if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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