I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
