I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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