xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
