so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
