I accidentally burped into my bong.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
