MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
