Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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