my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize