the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
