Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
