Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
