I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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