Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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