I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
