Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
