The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
MIDGETS
????
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
