great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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