dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
