I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I will die if light touches me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
