I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize