are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
