...so i touched it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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