just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
