You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
