Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
