from now on my penis is your penis
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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