I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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