I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
