While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
