I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
