yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
