All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
