wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
