The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He passed out mid-signature
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
