You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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