she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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