guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it because I queefed?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize