I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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