I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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