when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if only i could text you this smell
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
