I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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