i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The uberlube is also flammable
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
