If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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