Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
