problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
