He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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