i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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