We need to rekindle our bromance
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
