And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
