Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
