my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
