dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
May the power of my ass compel you!!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize