God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize