How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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