i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
