I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
