So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sext me about skeletons
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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