hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
