I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
