How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
