got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize