My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
