Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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