Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
